How does depression feel? You will be surprised. (2023)

I know exactly what you are going through. I was very depressed the last year and a half also honestly i havent felt anything for or from people for years before though i try to show it just to maintain relationships but mostly in my head its a fruitless agenda more like an illusion to fill something empty. Honestly, I'm thinking I might have bipolar. The symptoms and signs you said are exactly how I'm feeling, I'm turning 22 this month. I know there are probably many nights where you feel extremely alone, with none of the vast numbers of people on your phone willing to talk to you when you are in a very dark shadow with nothing to light you up when you know that could do something really terrible to himself that night or that day. And even if there are people who are aware of how you feel, they are either too scared or narcissistic and won't support you in a small way just to help you survive, at least by listening to what you have to say about em their name. saying the same thing broke records for advice like hospitalization, medication, therapists, ECT, general terms to describe how you feel, people saying why don't you do "things" to make yourself feel better and "you have such a decent life, why that you are so depressing". I really distrust people. I'm pretty sure I'm an introvert (not totally sure) but I try to be an extrovert like the "normal minded" people just to hang in there for a few moments until the thoughts flow and tell you "people you know don't they really don't care , they just want to make sure they feel okay saying it and so they can use you, you really are nothing to them” and this thought always comes up even though I try to do normal things and try to talk normal to avoid sounding manic or depressed (but it really hurts to be an actor all the time) puts you on the line between now and death that gives you two tangible contrasting points of view that sometimes make you smile.
The best healthy things I'm doing to deal with right now before seeking help from an audiologist (which I really need right now) are:

- daydreaming about your ideas and making them exceptionally practical or great (it also helps you to tell people about your ideas to see if they like them or not and see how you can improve them).

-Don't look into the eyes of people you don't have to talk to.

-420 helps depending on where I am in the poles.

-Cuddle up in thick, very soft blankets (naked. I know it's weird, but more effective, I'm honest).

-cartoons like King of the Hill, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Spirited Away, Kikkis Delivery Service, My Neighbor Tortoro, Simpsons, Chowder or Futurama (NOT Adventure Time or newer stuff) can help with being alone the nights before going to the bed for a good night's sleep to feel balanced the next day.

-driving to new places during sunlight with music (I know in the state you and I can be in music sucks but there are songs that grab you and preach what you're going through that give you comfort but it's an effort to find. Try music from 30 Seconds to Mars, Distillers, 3 Days Grace, Massive Attack, Avatar (the band :P) Bless The Fall. You may not like these bands, but you can get references from other bands if you search on might be better but i don't know.

- literally sweating it out in a hot car with BBC or NPR world news on the radio.

-eat cod chips with cream and white cheddar (real brand or something like that).

-eat sharp cheddar cheese with stale toasted sourdough bread.

-eat spicy foods

- take St. Jobsworths or HTP time revive pills on anxiety days (I think they sell both at Walgreens but try somewhere cheaper, even Walmart can sell it in store or online, Amazon etc).

-Hot baths with bubble bomb soaps (from Bath and Bodyworks, or online that sell a variety like herbal ones to soothe or one to heal the body that in turn heals the mind like green tea extract).

-stay hydrated and drink a few cups of coffee and drink vodka in the morning on depressing days (don't do this often, otherwise it won't work anymore and it's not good for you physically either),

-Sometimes aromatherapy, but usually citrus or cedar scents work best.

- write about yourself with a pen or marker on your wrist or chest saying "You love, I love, I cling to life, death is the enemy of my life (I drew this on my arm or thigh), they love you, life = learn Receive Share, We'll need you soon, etc. (write down anything that makes you smile, even draw symbols or pictures that are important to you in life that will give you that rare microsecond shiver down your spine that feels like you're happy .

-Talking to strangers for a few moments on the way to something can also help, as it's difficult to approach someone to talk to, even if you don't have an empathetic experience. You might discover something new during the conversation to think about that day.

I have absolutely no trust in psychiatrists, they seem to be more scared of you than you are, which makes the way you feel about yourself worse. I hit my thigh a lot and throw myself against walls or doors to deliberately injure my arms or shoulders, I starve myself to the point where my stomach twists and jumps to feed something I would normally feed. It's like taking a bite of something throughout the day to get me through the mode of coping with hunger that creates disappointment most of the time just to think about how hungry I am instead of feeling how angry or scared I am. I worked up the courage to start cutting my other thigh as well. DO NOT HARMFUL YOURSELF IN ANY WAY PLEASE USE THE ALTERNATIVES I LIST FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR HEALTH as it is contradictory and hypocritical of me to say this but that's me and I will only do horrible things like this when I'm in a state of hating who i am and how no one is here to comfort the demon inside me that is now in control now that i have to get hurt before it hurts me in my crisis days.

But seriously! You are not alone in this, the problem is that we are alone because this subject is taboo (which bothers me since teen suicides or drug overdoses are the second leading cause of death among teens and young adults in the United States) and we feel that no one is going to talk to us or just judge us for committing suicide we are mixed with the "normals" so we have no idea which one of us is going through the same thing unless you are or have been through it and can see the signs and symptoms in others like you that you've seen in yourself. I gathered my philosophy and principles about life that make the most sense, what makes the most sense to me about why things are the way they are, as well as a lot of scientific facts that I try to learn to incorporate ideas about this into life through life, practicality and wonder. , but these ideas made me fear death even less 😛 which is not good in theory for those who need help, but brings me a pessimistic optimism that seems almost from another world. The theology I've made for myself keeps me on edge every time I think about finishing it and makes me think hard about it, which in turn gives me time to rethink what I'm about to do.

Honestly, most days (I know I should, but I literally don't) I don't think about anyone with a heart that cares if they'll miss me if I'm gone, but what helps a little bit is if there's one person you miss who needs to live with meaning and symbolic form, even if she is already passed away, this may awaken something in your core to help you get over it for a while.

Simply put, you will have inner battles to come, you may even get hurt in those battles, but remember that there is a part of you that nurtures you and wants you to be alive for the outer battles to come where the person next to you or in Your front is going to need your help even if you don't feel a thing, it gives him a true sense of purpose and is as simple as opening a really tight jar of pickles for Mom or Grandma when they call your name for help. Living hurts, I know, and I tend to scream at the top of my lungs that I want to die (I literally don't usually hang around anyone, but other times it can be fun when someone listens and starts to worry and you have to make up a reason for what you is saying).

However, remember that you are NOT alone in your upcoming battles or already have:
-When your eyes turn black, paint them white and blink,
-When the shadows approach you, blind them standing with the biggest smile that scares even the Joker,
-And always laugh at the demon that looks at you in the mirror because it is an animal trapped in your zoo that only exists to eat and shit while you are more than that.

Find someone who has been through the same thing as me, you and others. That someone can help you in a time of crisis (and maybe you once or have been through it, but I really hope not, it's terrible to go through) . Meeting someone who understands you from experience is very comforting and will have an idea of ​​what to do, even sit with you until you rise from the battle in your war. I don't know when the war will be won against me, and others like us feel the same way, many have been fighting for years and cannot see when it will end, and very few have won their wars.

Don't give up, find strategies to avoid battles and go through the war without too many casualties. You are young and vice versa, so we both have roads that we see and know what will happen on each one that seem very undesirable, but we have to choose a shitty road to find a smooth one that can be a long walk or a short walk .

Mantenga Fighting Young & Burnout old.

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